It's still in progress, of course, but I hope to make it's fun and interesting way to learn about Native American culture and how they believe animals got certain characteristics. One of the main stories I want to focus on is "Why is the Redbird red?".
I know, it's a cardinal, but we're going to pretend it's an unnamed redbird. Image: Pixabay
Hi Jency! Looking at your story book, I think that it's great that you have your stories planned out and have a clear theme for your work. Your website looks good and I think that your layout works for your subject matter. However, I don't really understand how you are retelling this. The introduction seems more like a summary rather that a welcome to my world post. I think that you could work on how your stories will be different than the ones that you are drawing inspiration from. I don't get a sense of your style, of the flair in your writing. It reads like a reading notes post rather than a story that has been developed. I think that you could do something really cool with this ides, like making the setting of your story a zoo and having different exhibits where the narratives are told and explained to the public.
ReplyDeleteHey Jency! I really like the image you chose for your home page and introduction page! I also love where you are going with your storybook and cannot wait to read your stories to see how you answer each question with some Native American culture. I love origin stories and reading the ways in which different cultures believe certain stuff appeared in the world, so your project is probably something I will come back to in the future! One question I had is, are the characters in your story all coming from your imagination? Or did you read a certain story that inspired you to write about this topic? Also, how did you choose which animals to write about? There are probably many questions about how different animals or insects have unique features, so what made you choose those specific ones? Just wondering! I think your project is going to turn out great! Good luck with everything :)
ReplyDeleteHi Jencyl! I have always wondered why a certain animal got its color or one of its random characteristics that make it who it is. Looking through your introduction, I like how you have already chosen the three stories you are going to write about. I am curious to see why a bear's tale is short, why a cardinal is red rather than blue or gold, and why moles love to dig holes and live underground. I am excited to see how you are going to change the stories from the original. Are you going to give different reasons for each animal. As in maybe a reason that people today might come up with when they are telling their kids why? I have enjoyed Native American storytelling ever since taking Native American Studies here at the University of Oklahoma. So I cannot wait to see how you are going to do you stories!
ReplyDeleteHi Jenny! I think the title of your website is so cute! It attracted my eye on the list of storybook pages. The fonts/colors you used here (on this comment wall) also match your storybook theme, so you should change the font to match your tone! It sounds like you've done a lot of planning and are ready to knock out your story book, which is awesome. Sometimes that's hard for me to think ahead that far. Writing about different cultures is sure to be good, so I can't wait to see more. On your intro, you could include how you're choosing animals -- are they your favorites, or just stuck out to you? Great job!
ReplyDeleteHello Jency! Your website quickly caught my eye with the giant picture of the Cardinal. The colors in the image look really nice with the title font. Your introduction was awesome. I really like that you are using Native American stories, because I feel that they aren't used often enough when they have such great lessons to teach! It was really cool how you introduced each story, making it both easy for a reader to know what to expect and for the reader to understand the thought behind each story. Including what tribe the stories come from, as well as giving some background information on the tribes, will be so helpful when we start reading them. Your humor in the introduction is also really interesting. It helps a reader want to read your stories, because it is intriguing and fun. My main critique is that I would love some more background information on the type of stories Native Americans tell. I think you should mention the strong oral storytelling history most tribes have, which would show the importance of it being written down so recently as the 1900s when it probably originated way before that time. It would also be cool - if any of your stories have tricksters or other such beings - to explain the symbolic significance of certain types of characters in Native American stories. I know that animals have extremely different representations in Native American lore than they do in European stories: animals are more revered and wise in Native American tribes. That would be a neat difference to point out in your introduction, so a reader might understand why animals are being used for such important lessons on morality and ethics. Overall, you have done a really great job!
ReplyDeleteHey Jency! Great job on "Why the Redbird's Red!" I thought you did a really good job in staying with the original tone of the story while also making it your own. I think elaborating more on the brown bird was a really smart idea. I think all of us have gone through something similar to this situation when we were younger. We would go home and cry about why we were different to our moms and she would tell us we were special. But we were never satisfied with that; we wanted to be like all of the other kids. What I love about this story in particular is that the bird, when he is given all of the options of colors, chooses one that is completely different than every other bird which makes him stand out in the best way! I think this story is written extremely well and you don't need to change it all all. Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteHi Jency! I'm back again to read your new additions. I liked your story, but I still don't really get what your overall premise is? How are the stories going to be tied together? Is it just a thematic portfolio and not a connected narrative. The story does a great job in retelling, Your author's note really explained the changes you made and the reasons behind those decisions. I think that you could address more stories in a similar way with great success. Your website still works well and function perfectly. I think that the images are fitting but could be a bit... snazzier? They could be more interesting. I'm excited to see where this is headed and can not wait to come back and read more in the future. Maybe the connections will make more sense to me then.
ReplyDeleteJency,
ReplyDeleteI liked the first paragraph in your introduction, the way you posed the questions about animals was funny to read. Moving on, I like how you set up which story would be told and in what order, although I noticed you said you would start with the bear but actually started with the redbird. In the descriptions for the stories, I think the information pertaining to the stories was nice, but there might have been a little too much information about other things that don’t really go with the flow.
Your story was nice, I enjoyed it. There is a point towards the beginning where I think a sentence might have gotten partially deleted, it reads “He was teased relentlessly by his classmates for” but it cuts off there. I liked how the bird got to choose his color, rather than just being presented with the red. I think it made his decision feel more important when he chose to purposefully be different from everyone else, like he already was, but this time, on his own terms.
Hey Jency,
ReplyDeleteSeeing as I am from the Indian Epics class, this project is really interesting. It has a completely different feel to it and it is so interesting to read.
The layout of your project is really good. I like the overall theme and how it revolves around animals. I think animals are a great theme and everyone relates to animals. Also, the pictures that you chose to use are really good. They kept me engaged and also got my attention. Great job.
I think each of your story and introduction are really good. They are well written and very easy to read. I also like how you used dialogue with in the story. I am a huge fan of dialogue and i think it helps the reader personalize with the characters. The only suggestion I have would be to maybe add some background to your stories. I think that it might make it easier for people to read. Overall great project!!
Hi Jency, I am in the Indian Epics class and had a chance to read your project this week. I think you have a really creative idea for the assignment and I was interested when I saw the title as I love animals. Since I was not familiar with the original story I wanted to give you props for writing a great author's note that really explained well what the inspiration and goals were for your story. I am curious what the other animal stories will be like, especially the bear with the short tail that you mentioned on your introduction page. You seem very prepared with your work and what you will do with your project and that is great. The only suggestion that I have is that I did notice a few typos on your story and also that it would be nice if you had a link for your comment wall on the homepage of your project.
ReplyDeleteHey Jenny! I am currently in the class for Indian Epics, so it is good to see what the other course is doing. I really enjoyed your storybook. Starting with the name, "why animals are the way they are." This title allows you to write on so many different topics, especially for Native American cultures. Animals have such an important role in the culture. Your sub-heading was also very cute about why the redbird is red. Your story was written in mainly a dialogue format. Have you considered changing your writing style for the next story you write? I like how you tried to stick with the original story as much as you could. Sometimes, I think that is very important when you are repeating a traditional story. Because you have not posted your second story yet, have you started to think about what animal you will write about next?
ReplyDeleteHey Jency! I have a hard time with figuring out which words in titles are capitalized, but I believe verbs usually are. So I think you could say “Why Animals Are the Way They Are.” I absolutely love watching cardinals, so your banner photos were a wonderful treat. I really enjoyed your writing style. When the wolf said, “Oh yeah, you definitely need another color,” I actually laughed. How sassy. I love that your little bird had the chance to fit in, but chose to be different in his own way on his own terms. Female cardinals are actually brown, and I believe the red coloring on males is to attract females. It might be fun to incorporate this into your story. Maybe your little bird was trying to impress a girl bird with his pretty bright coloring. Overall, very nice job with your project so far and I look forward to seeing what else you come up with.
ReplyDeleteHi Jency! I'm visiting from the Indian Epics class, so I always worry coming over that I won't understand the stories since I haven't read the source, but you did a great job of presenting the story in its own right without me having to have background knowledge of the original. One thing I would recommend is on your homepage to add a little blurb about the central theme of your storybook so that the reader knows what to be looking forward to as they go through your site. You did a good job of this in your introduction, but maybe just something really simple so your homepage isn't empty. Your story was so cute and I enjoyed your writing style a lot, the mix of dialogue helped keep things fresh as well. Really great job with your storybook, I hope to come back and see what other animals you look at!
ReplyDeleteHi Jency! I am from the Indian Epics class, and my name is Brittany. Coming from another class, I haven't really read any of the stories that your class has, and that goes for the ones in your portfolio. In the story about the bird and the wolf, it would've been good to have a link to the original story, or at least mention the name of it, so that I could research it myself to compare and contrast the versions if I wanted. Overall, your writing story was very to-the-point and easy to read. Great job! I would like to read future stories that you recreate in your portfolio, but maybe remember to leave a bit of a bibliography with each story, as they can run together when you're reading so many different ones in these classes.
ReplyDeleteJency,
ReplyDeleteThis is my first time viewing your storybook and I really like it. Your introduction is very informative and does a great job at letting us know what we will be reading about, where you got your inspiration from, and why the Indians made up these stories. Your story about the red bird was really well written. The dialogue gave it an extra element and I like that you separated it by paragraphs for easier reading. I noticed a couple really minor typos but other than that, great work! I'm looking forward to reading your other stories!
Hi Jency! I love the picture you used as the banner image on your first story. The blurry background really makes the bird stand out, which is exactly what the bird in you story wanted. I think adding a bit of backstory for the bird really helps the flow of the story. I knew why being a different color besides brown was important to the bird, which made me want him to succeed more than I might have otherwise.
ReplyDeleteHi Jency! I love your idea that you have for your story book. For starters, the title is very catching and thats what drew me into wanting to read it. I like that you included a cardinal in your banner of the project. I especially liked your introduction. You really gave your readers a back story on what to expect in each tab and what animals you will be telling the story of. This was good to know. As for your first story, it was a cute one. I think I may have read the original story, so I liked that you gave the brown bird more of a back story and that you included dialogue. Dialogue really helps with making stories better. Good job! I look forward to reading more!
ReplyDeleteHi Jency,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this story! I loved the fun, animated feel as I was reading. I think the dialogue really helped with that. It allowed me to really create my own image of the characters in my head. You did a great job tying everything together, and incorporating the original story with this story! I like how you gave the brown bird more of a dominant role, and included details about him that weren't listed in the original. I also loved the images and layout of your project. The creativity behind your work really shines, and I am excited to read more! Overall great work!
Hi Jency! I really like the banner image you have for the homepage. However, I think it would be a great addition if you added a link to your comment wall on the homepage so that people can find it much easier. I also think that it might be cool to try out a different banner image for your introduction page since you are using the same one for your homepage. I think you have a great idea for your storybook and I can’t wait to read your full fleshed out stories of why animals are the way that they are. In your introduction I like how you prepared the readers for what was coming. I really liked your dialog in your story and how you handled it. Many people (myself included) do not handle dialog well but I think you did a great job with it. I can’t wait to read your finished stories.
ReplyDeleteHi Jency!
ReplyDeleteI am from the Indian Epics class. You chose a very interesting topic! Love the banner image. I would definitely make sure to add a link to your comments page. Very unique idea of portraying the stories from the perspective of the animal. I liked how the introduction gives the readers a full run down of what is to come in the upcoming stories. The three stories sound interesting, can't wait to start reading through them! Overall, great idea on design and layout of the site, although I would highly recommend that you use different banner images so that readers get a little bit of variety.
Hi Jency! Great image choice for the banner on your project site page. It is really pretty and the colors on the cardinal bird made me intrigued to read your story book. I think you did a great job on your project, and I really liked your use of dialogue in the "Why the Redbird is Red" story.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I noticed that when I was on your project site that I did not see a link to your project feedback blog/comment wall. Is there a link on somewhere on your project website? I wasn't sure if I overlooked it, but if you don't already have a link to your comment wall on there then maybe that is something you might want to consider adding! Putting a link on your home page would make it a lot easier for readers to find your comment wall and provide you with feedback! I would suggest adding a link to your comment wall on your Home page, but you could also past a link on your "Introduction" or "Why the Redbird is Red" page.
I really like the theme of your storybook. Origin stories are an interesting genre that I enjoy reading, and doing so for animals results in some neat stories.
ReplyDeleteI don't see a link to the first story about the bear that you list in your introduction; the only links at the top of the page I can find are "Home", "Introduction", and "Why the Redbird is Red." I feel that this isn't intentional, so hopefully it's not too difficult to fix!
The story about the Redbird is very well done. I like that the bird helps another and gets his own wish fulfilled in return. There does seem to be some inconsistent punctuation throughout your story in the dialogue: periods where there should be commas, commas and periods after question marks, and some missing periods at the end of dialogue (such as after "You have to help me, little bird").
Hey Jency. I believe that you could have possibly come up with a more creative title. I am sure it covers all the stories in their entirety, but I am not drawn to read the stories based off the title. What led to choosing this theme or direction with your project? I am always curious about the creative process of interesting assignments. I enjoyed this particular comment that said, "Instead of cursing when you stumble over a molehill, maybe you'll think, 'I appreciate the mole's tenacity to build an entire livelihood underground.' My goal is that you leave with a smile as well as some food for thought!"
ReplyDeleteOn the Redbird story's title page, I think it would look better if you copied the shortcut to the story in the spelling out of the entire title and including the word "is" instead of an apostrophe. This story was so adorable. I am glad the bird was able to find a way to be happy with himself.
Hey there, Jency! I just finished looking through your website, “Why Animals are the Way They Are”. I am in the indian epics class, so I really enjoy doing these project feedback comments every week so that I have the opportunity to see what the other class is working on. I was very impressed with your latest post, “Why the Redbird’s Red”. The story was very sweet and relatable and it really did keep me engaged. I like that it was a classic story of struggle, but then the young bird worked hard to change how he wanted to. I really love the perseverance. I also like that you took the original story and added in the story about the bird. It really gave the story a few different, but great dimensions. I really think you did a great job and I can tell you enjoyed making this website! Great job!
ReplyDeleteHi, Jency!
ReplyDeleteI think this is the first time I have read your Storybook this semester, which surprises me! I definitely enjoyed reading your work, especially the story in which the young bird helps the wolf (Why the Redbird is Red). I found that story cute and touching; it seemed like a myth that would be great to share with children as a lesson about growing self confidence and the value of showing kindness to others.
I would love to see you develop your dialogue more; I think it could add to the complexity of your characters! In one instance, I think you forgot to finish a sentence - the sentence that begins with "He was teased relentlessly," just ends with the word "for."
Finally, I adored your closing line! By making a final reference to the color red, I think that you creating something memorable, and it made me smile!